4 weeks & 3 days since surgery:-(

Hello everyone. ****Before I start on this update let me first say this. Despite the difficulties I may be facing everyone is different. My experience may be different from yours and the next. Please don't let anything I say discourage you from getting this sugery if you feel this is something you really want to do. My only advice to you is RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH!!! Even then you don't know what may happen until you go through it.*** Wednesday of last week I went to the doctor and received an xray and didn't receive as good of news as I expected. The bone in my brachy toe shifted over from where it should be and I am going to have to get a 2nd surgery. Out of all my research I haven't heard of this happening so of course in my mind I have a million questions, firstly WHY ME?? I've tried my best to be careful and called myself doing everything right so it makes me wonder if this surgery was perforemed correctly to begin with.I am feeling very unconfident right about the entire situation and at moments I cannot stop crying. Of course going into this I knew things didn't always go as expected but with so many success stories I just couldn't help but go for it.At this point I am so confused and really don't know if I should go to get a second opinion which I doubt another doctor would want to see me with all I have going on performed by someone else. I metioned that my doc performed the one step surgey and placed a fixator on as well. I never heard of a doc doing that in my research and my doc said it's surgeons choice. Finally yesterday while researching I found that some surgeons who do the one step method do use the fixator as well for support and to keep the bone steady. Obviously it didn't keep it steady enough. Right now I'm just kind of nervous and scared because I really don't know what to expect next. Will everything be ok after the second surgery? Will I have to endure as much pain as I did the first time? Will I come out of this with a corrected toe or a toe at all?? I know I may be thinking too hard and worrying too much. I know I'm driving my loved 1's up the wall worried about this "toe". In the back of my mind I'm thinking if I should have just left this toe alone. I wanted this and I have to gather myself and finish getting through this and pray for the best. I have another appt this upcoming Wednesday and I will update you all!! Thanks for listening to this vent. Hopefully I'll be more confident and in better spirits next time.

Xray

3 weeks & 5 days

Where should I start. Right now I'm just healing and trying to remain positive & hopeful.Everything has been going well until last week. I had a little of bleeding through my bandages for the first time & it kind of freaked me out. Since it was a few days before my appointment I took it upon myself and changed my gauzes & bandages. While changing it I got a glimpse of my foot and I must say it looked pretty gruesome which really freaked me out. When I went to the doctor he said I must of bumped my foot near the area where the fixator is because it dug into my skin a little. He loosened the pins in the them and gave me more antibiotics to start taking again. He also instructed me to call him if I ever need my bandages changed. I was unsure about changing them in the first place but wasn't initially told not to. Besides that my toe looks really weird to me & still feels very numb. The calf of the leg I had surgery has lost all of it's muscle which is called atrophy. This is due to that leg not being used at all. The doctor suggested I do slight leg exercises & assured as soon I start back bearing weight I will regain muscle. I'm trying to think positive and consider all of these things normal and try to keep my mind off of the foot surgery horror stories I've heard. I broke down after last week's appointment but my support team made me feel so much better with their encouraging words. This process is not simple as 123. You have to be prepared for some good days and bad physically & mentally. On the up side I have got out the house to enjoy the weather during the Memorial Day weekend although it was in my mom backyard it was nice. My family is awesome, so supportive. I go to the doctor tomorrow and plans to do xrays so I'm praying for some good news. I will let you know.. Stay tuned!!:)

This is the atrophy. The leg of the foot I got surgery on has lost all muscle..

:-(This looks pretty bad I know.... Sorry... Fixator had dug into my skin really bad!!